Differentiating Fear and Anxiety

Fear involves physiological, behavioral and emotional responses to a specific danger . . . fear is adaptive when there is a real threat and your bodily reaction is one that signals you to escape or avoid that threat. A response to fear is considered maladaptive when you have that same bodily reaction to escape or avoid and there is no real threat. Riding in elevators, going over bridges, being in a crowd of people, being scared of insects, bugs or spiders are examples of common fears. Understand your body’s response to fear is something that is innate – if there is a genuine danger or threat present, then you’re going to experience built-in feelings and reactions that are neurobiologically ‘hard-wired’ into you. Start by noticing what is happening around you. Is there a real threat? Is there a clear and present danger? Is it happening now? Or very soon? Well, then you should be having the reactions you have (fight, flight, freeze, faint). . . and it means your body’s response system is working properly. Often, however, people experience the fight –flight reaction at the wrong time . . . meaning that the stress reaction is happening when there is no real object of fear present. In this case, the person’s response to fear is maladaptive. You can think of this maladaptive response as having the ‘right reaction at the wrong time’. Anxiety, on the other hand, is a diffuse sense of apprehension about some aversive event in the future that people believe they cannot control – so fear is distinguished from anxiety in that anxiety is characterized by the expectation of a diffuse distress / danger in the future and fear is characterized by a clear and specific danger right now. 

Fear is characterized by a clear and specific danger right now. Anxiety is characterized by the expectation of distress or danger in the future.

Your mind searches the past (finding an old memory, an association to something you already experienced or something you already know) to help you anticipate or predict how things will go in the future. Though worry or anxiety may be linked with future situations or events, consider the possibility that your worries and anxiety are really about experiencing and handling unpleasant feelings you are currently experiencing . . . in other words, when people experience anxiety, they are trying to achieve mastery right now over a feeling that they anticipate might happen in the future. 

Let’s see if that idea relates to you. Are you frequently anxious? Do you worry a lot? What do you worry about, specifically? 

Stop and reflect on that idea for a few moments . . . are you trying to achieve mastery right now over a feeling you anticipate happening in the future? 

Keep your thoughts in mind or write them down, then ask yourself, “what feeling or feelings would I rather not feel that I am actively preparing myself to experience later?” Note those feelings.

Feeling . . . Something
People often wonder why the experience of unpleasant (negative) emotions is so strong and why there are so many painful and unpleasant emotions. It’s tied to evolution.
Your survival is far more dependent on being able to be aware of and experience ‘negative’emotions than experience pleasant ones. The truth is, that at the most basic level, it is these ‘negative’ emotions or emotional states that are involved in protecting us and in helping us survive in the world. So we absolutely need to be able to access and make use of them. Which makes them not “bad”, nor “negative” feelings because they are so
necessary for our survival. See them as just unpleasant or unsettling feelings as opposed to bad or negative ones.
Along with control over your behavior, you do have some control over what and how you think, so one way to manage your feelings is to consistently and intentionally practice thinking about what you feel. That doesn’t mean questioning and doubting what you feel. Instead, think of it as ‘minding your mind’ . . . as if you are watching a movie flash by on the screen of your mind. Developing this ability to notice what you are thinking and
feeling can help you better choose how you would like to respond, no matter what situation you face.
However, you can’t control that you feel or what you feel. Generally speaking, you are not in charge of the bodily sensations / feelings that you naturally experience in reaction to everyday life events. So you can’t really ‘control’ your feelings – they are the surges of energy that let you know you’re alive, allow you to experience a sense of aliveness and vitality, and they are elicited in response to your everyday life experiences,
whether big or small. Rather than exerting control, you can, however, manage, modulate or modify your feeling experience once it is in your conscious awareness.
What I find fascinating is that bodily sensations help us know what we feel
emotionally. It happens so quickly and seamlessly that most of us don’t even realize this connection exists. It is my belief that the bodily sensations that help us know what we’re feeling is at the core of what makes it so hard to comfortably experience and move through feelings. It is the discomfort of these bodily sensations from which most people want to disconnect or distract. It’s not that you don’t really want to feel what is coming up for you when you are anxious . . . instead it is the bodily sensation that lets you
know what you are feeling that you don’t want to experience. This is where the real problem lies with anxiety.

How – What – Where of Feelings
What follows is an exercise that will help you understand how feelings are linked with bodily sensations. In a moment this is what you can do – find a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths – again, slowly take a deep breath in and then after a count of 4 or 6, exhale – and another deep breath in . . . and exhale . . . and one more deep breath in . . . and exhale.
Then, you’ll close your eyes – and notice how, what and where you feel sad. . . angry . . . disappointed . . . content . . . Simply notice how, what and where you experience the feelings above.

Stop reading and take a few moments to slowly walk yourself through each of the feelings. If you link the feeling mentioned to your specific memories of having that feeling, it may help bring your experience right to the surface. Go ahead and do it now.

Labeling Feelings
Why is accurately naming or labeling feelings so important? Dr. Matthew Lieberman,a UCLA psychologist, suggests that labeling feelings has the effect of shifting the emotional state to a thinking state. The shift can even be observed in the brain. Once feelings were labeled, there was less activity in the amygdala (the fight/flight center) and more activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex. This prefrontal area is in the
thinking part of the brain.
Here is what this research finding means. Thinking about or reflecting on emotion is a great way to modulate and handle what you are feeling. So naming or labeling feelings can have multiple effects including those of calming or slowing you down, centering you, decreasing the experience of being flooded with feeling, decreasing impulsivity, and increasing a sense of control. And if you are really accurate, it can change your experience entirely, leaving you feeling more empowered, emotionally stronger, more confident and experiencing a calm inner peace.

LABELING FEELINGS HELPS CALM AND CENTER YOU,
WHICH INCREASES YOUR SENSE OF CONTROL

Fear or Anxiety?
Though people often describe feeling fearful or frequently use the word ‘fear’ to describe what they are experiencing, I believe the word is both over and misused.
Remember, the words you choose to use (e.g. fearful) can influence your decisions and actions. Stating you are fearful might lead you to withdraw rather than pursue your desired goal or goals.
Also remember that fear is characterized by a clear and specific danger right now. In contrast, anxiety is characterized by that diffuse sense of apprehension about an aversive and formless danger in the future. Similar to fear, anxiety* is known by bodily sensations such as a fast heartbeat, constriction in the chest, or a nervous feeling on the inside. Yet, it’s important to determine: Is the danger or threat known and occurring
right now, such that you are in immediate danger? Or is the danger or threat tied ambiguously to the future?
Choose which one you really feel by naming it more accurately. Is it fear or
anxiety? Are you fearful or anxious? In most situations, it is much more likely that you will be experiencing anxiety rather than genuine fear. Use the more accurate word to describe
what is happening. It can make a big difference. Borrowing a phrase from Dr. Daniel Siegel, “name it to tame it”.

ARE YOU FACING A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER RIGHT NOW
OR A DIFFUSE SENSE OF APPREHENSION ABOUT SOMETHING IN THE FUTURE?

Anxiety or Vulnerability?

Perhaps you would feel better if you identified your anxiety as vulnerability instead. Vulnerability, in this case, involves the awareness that you could get hurt. Feeling embarrassed or exposed is often linked with vulnerability and sometimes feeling vulnerable can leave you feeling “off center”. Think about it. How many times have you felt anxious when you were really feeling vulnerable instead? You can experiment with how that changes your experience right now. Think of situations where you felt anxious. Replace ‘anxious’ with ‘vulnerable’? How does that change what you experience? Do you have reasons to experience this diffuse apprehension known as anxiety? Absolutely yes! You are constantly faced with unexpected challenging, difficult, tragic or traumatic events that you cannot control, predict or prevent. And the world may be feeling a bit more uncertain and unsettling, especially in light of hostile, unpredictable and volatile intentional threats or acts of violence. The anxiety associated particularly with intentional terrorizing violence is quite obviously tied to concerns with physical survival and with the experience of being vulnerable. Vulnerability involves the possibility of being hurt. When you consciously exert your choice to be vulnerable, think of it as an openness and willingness to learn and/or to feel hurt. For some, just being able to face and live everyday life or talk to someone feels vulnerable enough. For others, it may include a variety of possible choices like public speaking, acting, drama, music, singing, entertainment, sports and displaying art as examples of “putting yourself out there”, thus leaving yourself open to criticism, ridicule or some 27 other manner of being hurt. The truth is, at some level, we are always vulnerable – 24/7 – whether we are aware of it or not. So, there isn’t a time when we aren’t vulnerable – and this level of vulnerability is true for everyone. However, people who live in environments (e.g. war-torn countries, impoverished inner-cities, gang-controlled communities) and situations (e.g. domestic violence) where they constantly face dangerous or life-threatening experiences, live with a heightened consciousness and awareness of their vulnerability. For those fortunate and privileged enough to live in safer environments, it is the ever-changing life situations or events (including natural disasters, unexpected tragedy, intentional threats or violence) that call into our awareness the experience of feeling vulnerable. If there is no danger or life threat present, and you are not being constantly reminded of it, then you tend not to think about, nor feel, particularly vulnerable. And, when trauma or tragedy happens – even at great geographical distance (floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, fires, oil spills, random workplace or school shootings, mining disasters, airplane crashes, unexpected and unanticipated sudden death or loss), then what changes is the degree to which we are aware we could suffer or be hurt – not necessarily the actual threat. It’s an important distinction. When tragic or traumatic circumstances arise, generally it is the degree to which you are aware that you could suffer or be hurt that has changed, as opposed to an actual threat or dangerous circumstance that you face. For instance, many Americans across the United States purchased survival related kits and supplies following the World Trade Center attack on September 11, 2001, despite the fact that residents of New York City experienced the greatest damage and were experiencing 28 the greatest threat. The constant barrage of threatening and damaging news from multiple media sources doesn’t help. It amps up our experience of threat. So, you feel more vulnerable mostly because you are more aware that you could be hurt. Of course, if you live in a dangerous or life-threatening situation, then you may naturally be more conscious of feeling vulnerable – otherwise, if you tend to live and work in generally safe and predictable environments, your awareness of feeling vulnerable tends to be in the background. The goal, of course, is to turn your vulnerability into strength. First, remember that everyone else also feels some degree of vulnerability regardless of how conscious or honest they are about acknowledging this feeling. We never fully escape this experience. The challenge is to maintain a low enough level of awareness about your vulnerability to choose to live fully, without it either emotionally paralyzing you or preventing you from taking action in life.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SAY YOU ARE ANXIOUS WHEN YOU
ARE REALLY FEELING VULNERABLE INSTEAD?

Anxiety or Un-experienced and Unexpressed Feeling
Many times people state they feel fearful or anxious in place of what they arereally feeling or thinking. As above, when a person more accurately describes his or her thoughts and feelings, the experience of anxiety either significantly diminishes or it may go away entirely. It’s quite likely you can benefit in a similar manner.
Parallel to the earlier strategies, this one also entails more accurately naming your experience. In this case, think of anxiety as “un-experienced and unexpressed feelings”.

If true feelings are not being experienced and not being expressed outwardly where they belong (especially when it is called for), they have to go somewhere. They get transmuted into anxiety and go inside instead of out. Once you accurately identify, feel and express your thoughts and feelings, then your “inside self” experience changes.

1. Are you interested in diminishing or easing your experience of anxiety?
2. Identify an experience or memory when you felt anxious and allow yourself to feel it.
3. If I took all the words away from you that were suggestive of anxiety, fear or
   worry, what would you really be feeling? Apprehensive, fear, fearful, panicked and
   scared or any other similar words you can’t use as part of your answer.
4. Go back to the experience or memory you identified and swap your anxiety or worry with this new feeling (from question 3) and stay with the experience for 5-10 seconds.
5. Can you feel or experience your previously described anxiety? (Most commonly, the answer is no.)
6. Did the memory/memories you chose involve other people?
7. Would expressing the feeling you identified have been appropriate in your situation?
8. Was this feeling expressed during that situation or a close time after the situation?

Anxiety as an Unintentional Cover for Unpleasant Feelings
Many people describe “feeling anxious” or “having anxiety”, when, in fact, theanxiety is really other feelings that people have turned inward on themselves rather than express them outwardly to others.

So anxiety itself, oddly, is used as a means (conscious or not) to distract or
disconnect from something that is harder to bear, feel or know. The feeling has to go somewhere so it becomes anxiety.
It’s all about disconnecting and distracting from those same unpleasant feelings. Another way, then, to think about anxiety is that it is either a cover over or a distracter from a variety of unpleasant feelings.
Think of worry / anxiety as a cover– much like an umbrella protecting
something underneath. T o see what I mean, put your left hand with a closed fist directly in front of you. That closed left fist represents unpleasant feelings. With the left hand remaining in position, put your right hand, curved like an umbrella, a few inches directly above your left hand. The right hand is what you call anxiety and is a cover for one or
more of your unpleasant feelings. The goal is to take the cover away (your right hand) so you can be aware of what you are really feeling. Once you are aware and in touch with the real feeling, the anxiety dissipates or diminishes greatly and then it is a matter of “riding the wave(s)” of unpleasant feelings to make your way through them.

I start feeling uncomfortable
or anxious inside – especially because I am trying to suppress my reactions (or “not know
what I know”) . . . sort of trying to hide my own truth or my own experience of reality
from myself

It’s messy and uncomfortable. And what the anxiety umbrella is covering is the experience of unpleasant feelings.
The key is to become aware of the true feelings you might be experiencing in a situation, no longer let your anxiety be a cover or distracter, experience, and then, with discretion, express your real feeling(s).

Anxiety and Questions and Statements
Anxiety is a future-oriented feeling whereas most other feelings we experience are tied to the past. When people are worried and anxious, they are either anticipating a future event will somehow turn negative or they simply anticipate only negative events. But it doesn’t end there.

Anxiety and “What If” Questions
My friend and colleague, Brendon Burchard, author of The Motivation Manifesto, likes to say that people feel anxious because they ask “what if” questions followed by some negative statement. If asking those “what if” questions is something that you do, here are a few more strategies that can make a huge difference for you.
Your brain will try to answer whatever question or problem you pose – so if you ask questions that elicit negative thoughts, well, your brain will be all too eager to oblige and come up with thoughts, feelings and memories that fit your question.

If you pose “what if” questions that are usually followed by a negative
statement, now match that negative statement with a positive one. Better yet, ask positively oriented questions and make positive statements, then your brain will oblige just
as willingly in that direction.

Change your “what if” questions to “what is” statements and then look at theevidence around you to decrease your anxiety.

WHAT IF TO WHAT IS

CHANGE YOUR “WHAT IF” QUESTIONS TO “WHAT IS?” STATEMENTS.
LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE AT HAND TO DIMINISH YOUR WORRY ANXIETY.

Anxiety and the “Can I, Will I, Am I” Questions
There are a number of other questions people ask themselves that maintain feelings of anxiety – questions that lead to and foster doubt. These are the “can I?” “will I?”
“am I” questions. “Will I be able to deliver a good presentation?” “Will I do a good job?”
“Will they like me?” “Can I really pull this off?” “Can I achieve what I want to achieve?”
“Am I okay?” “Am I going to be able to complete this project?”
These type of questions simply increase doubt and doubt increases the experience of worry and anxiety. Doubt leads to a loss of power and control. Doubt leads to believing you are less capable. Doubt leads to a lack of a sense of resourcefulness. Doubt leads to less confidence.
Remember, whatever you ask your brain, your brain will do its best to answer for you. So, the strategy for addressing these anxiety-maintaining questions is to change your question into statements. Make declarative sentences and switch the order of your words . . .
‘can I’ becomes ‘I can’
‘will I’ becomes ‘I will’
‘am I’ becomes ‘I am’.
For instance, rather than asking “will I do a good job?”, turn that question into a statement instead and say to yourself: “I will do a good job.” And if you ask “how will I” then change that question into a statement of “I will find a way to . . .”.
You can also say to yourself: “I am capable and resourceful.” It may seem basic to say those words, yet making that switch from a question that raises doubt into a statement that conveys being grounded and confident really does make a difference in how you experience yourself internally.

ASKING: “CAN I? WILL I? AM I? QUESTIONS?” MAINTAINS ANXIETY.
SAY INSTEAD: “I CAN . . . I WILL . . . I AM . . .” OR SAY: “I AM CAPABLE AND RESOURCEFUL TO DIMINISH DOUBT

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